Chapter 12: The Build-Up

After August’s energy, September’s really hit us hard. We were so in sync all of August, feeling sublime within our combined manifesting potential and able to tune in to one another with greater and greater precision. Yet it seemed as if the minute we entered the month of September that the energy plummeted and we were both forced to go deep within whether we wanted to or not.

As usual, I was the first to notice the change. I had felt an urgency to go back to work and had accepted a job offer despite not really wanting to. That first week of September I reverted back into hermit mode, becoming extremely moody and irritable. This lasted all the way through September and I struggled to understand it and its purpose, especially since I should have been feeling excited about my upcoming trip to Tennessee and a potential first meeting with my twin.

I was also dealing with the return of my husband and his high energy after a whole month of him being gone in Florida. My husband is very social and I can be as well but with me in hermit mode we became like night and day. It made an already uneasy situation, tense. I withdrew even more and that caused him to become more pushy and authoritative.

Communication with my twin revealed he was going through a similar period, though his was not as extreme. The more we communicated, the better I felt and the more the stuck energy and heaviness cleared out for me. I finally communicated with him some of my considerations about his communication style. He often would not answer questions I asked and just leave me hanging. His response was that he didn’t realize he was doing this and he would try to remedy it. I also shared with him an intense dream I had about him and his other twin. He revealed that my dream was accurate in its depiction of their relationship. Finally, I finally shared my struggle with “split loyalties” between him and my husband – how our heart connection creates this feeling of being disloyal to him whenever I was intimate with my husband.

My twin revealed that only two weeks before our initial heart connection in December, 2015, that he had finally let his other twin go, realizing she would likely never be ready to move forward. They had been in contact and she was showing promise but then she stopped. She completely gave up and decided to stay in 3D. He revealed that he had made huge advances in regards to that relationship, truly letting go of all expectation and attachment and then was hit with our connection. He told me, “My experience with her has allowed me to be a stabilizing force with our connection, only because I had a head start in the process, not because I’m any more evolved than you. I have plenty of weaknesses and blind sides to deal with.” This all just blew me away because it coincided so well with everything.

His maturity and understanding of the twin flame process has been a stabilizing force and continues to be. His understanding and advice was spot on:

You HAVE to understand that all this is a process that cannot be rushed, or circumvented, in any way. You want instant results. I understand that you are having intense Heart pulls telling you to move in a direction, but I can say that I don’t feel either one of us is ready for full time physical contact. There’s still more maturing to go. It sucks, I’m sorry you are suffering, it seems the Kundalini forces you to not only feel your desires, but makes you experience them in a very intense way.

What I’m told is that I have to live a totally pure lifestyle. There are still conflicting beliefs that it’s impossible for a human to live that way. But I keep being shown that I can do this, have to do this so I can hold very high light quotients. I see you and I conducting very intense ceremonies. Like highly magical shaman like intense energy ceremonies, with crystal grids, mandalas, music, light, oils, Light Language, invocations, the whole thing. I keep seeing that, over and over. Using our combined energy to use in ceremonies we create, or remember perhaps. My body, mind, emotions, have to be very pure to do it though and I’m trying to get there. I am getting there, but there’s more stuff to clear out that’s causing limited thinking. I do see the light at the end of the tunnel though.

His emails to me during this communication triggered me quite a bit. I found myself getting really angry at him. I judged him for being “martyr-like” in his thinking and for the energy I sensed from him that communicated his preference for a mission-oriented relationship over a romantic one. I expressed this irritation and shared with him the insights I was having and he understood. It is amazing to see my transformation in this area unfold in September; how I was struggling to go beyond the communication barrier that had been plaguing me from our first encounter.

Toward the end of September, while I was planning my trip and preparing to leave for Tennessee, my twin began to feel the energies heavily. I was continuing to ask him if he wanted to meet me while I was in Tennessee and he remained open to it but was expressing his doubt that he would be ready.  “Please don’t have expectations of me right now as I feel like an unreliable piece of shit. Just being honest. I can get this way when I don’t let go of things that should be.”

Interestingly, another similar connection revealed itself during this time. The city my twin lives in happens to be the exact same city my husband’s aunt and uncle lived in. My husband asked me to visit that city, not knowing my twin lived there.


Dreams, Messages and Kundalini

Throughout September I continued to have communication delivered via dreams and OBEs to me by my guidance. In fact, September 1st I woke up crying from some intense dreams and a realization that some very difficult times were coming for me. There was an overwhelming and unexplained grief felt that made no sense at the time.

The Kundalini continued to make itself known all the way until and into my trip to Tennessee. On the 3rd of September it came along with a visit from a guide and some things they wanted me to consider. One guide was female. This is what she had to say:

She advised me to be careful of my thoughts. My thoughts about others would cause a reaction. With this, I felt bliss and ecstasy wash over me like a warm wave of water. It was spectacular. Then it was gone as quickly as it came……As if to make a point, my guide mentioned my physical counterpart. The Kundalini exploded in my heart and shot straight to my root and then up again. A rush of warmth folded around me and I felt like I was melting into the bed. I made sure to not think of anything and soon the Kundlini energy died down. Our conversation ended. Point made.

There were many dreams about water during this period, too. There was with these instances communication with my guidance about preparation for Union and the importance of rest and renewal.

In one specific dream I was shown a circle:

I was shown a large circle. There were two other circles inside it, each a bit smaller. The top of the circles were larger than the bottom and had writing inside. It was a chart on the stages of divine love. The first, outermost circle had written in it, “Obsesses over the other” or something like that. The second circle had written in it, “Romantic inclinations develop.” I don’t recall what the last one said because the instructor was asking me questions and discussing the stage I was in. I recall she said that the first stage normally lasted a year. The second circle was where the teacher focused for a while, indicating it was where I was. Then she pointed to the center, saying, “mature love.” She said mature love was the ultimate goal.

My thoughts were that I was being prepared for the Union but I was not completely sure how the puzzle pieces fit together yet.

The Kundalini leaves in it’s wake a feeling of lack because while in the throes of Kundalini ecstasy you touch upon Source/Oneness; it takes you Home. Thus, when it “leaves”, it tends to intensify one’s homesickness. The key here is to learn that it never leaves but is ever-present because it IS you. I have not gotten there yet. Still learning.

I am told that the K cannot rise yet. That I am preparing for it to rise fully to the crown. I am not told what exactly this preparation consists of but it feels like the next rise of K will be a full one and that the experience will change me. The change is what I am preparing for. There is information intermixed relating to physical union as well, but I am not sure how exactly it fits.

I had Kundalini dreams after that indicate that I was learning to control my reactions to the Kundalini, especially the intense sexual desires that it created in me. There were also discussions in the dreamtime with resulting messages indicating that I preferred to focus on my children and my family as they were my priority, not my twin or the Kundalini. My guidance responded with, “You’ve made your decision.” Later Kundalini dreams this month ended with me stopping the Kundalini from rising, resisting it’s lure and choosing to not experience it. This response was the opposite of my previous responses to it.

In the middle of the month I had some intense healing dreams that caused me to wake up in tears. They included the water element and were intermixed with a more gentle version of the Kundalini. It was very calm and very relaxing and familiar somehow. There was a chanting sound with it that made my entire body warm and vibrate. My root chakra swirled and expanded into my lower back making my entire lower body warm. The energy sparked energy in my heart and I could feel the chakras sync up, almost like they were communicating. It was a wonderful feeling, not at all sexual, but very calming and soothing.

Only a few days later I had a string of OBEs, eight or more in one night. The water theme was prevalent as were messages that my family needed to stay together and I should not lose my focus. There was intermixed with this a dream message from a guide who called himself The Hierophant. His message was to “follow the 8 winds” and he also said, “Within a moment you will be changed.” My research indicated that the Hierophant was a typical part of the tarot deck often also known as the High Priest. Further, he can also be known as Chiron, the wounded healer. Further research showed the 8 winds as a reminder to avoid attachment to those things which are very desirous while also not avoiding things that are very painful. Chiron, the wounded healer, ended up being very prevalent in my chart (still is currently at the time I write this).

The Drive

On the day I left for Tennessee I felt extremely resistant to going. It was not that I felt it was the wrong decision but that I felt uneasy. At the time I assumed it was because my twin would not want to meet, that he would use the excuse of him not feeling well to avoid meeting me. Yet I still decided to go on the trip. I chose to go mostly because I had agreed to pick up a friend on the way and I knew I was his only way to the gathering. If I didn’t go then it would be my fault he missed out and I didn’t want to do that for a friend. I realized later my friend’s accompanying me on the drive was purposeful not only to get me there but to get me to leave.

Thankfully the trip was uneventful but pleasant. My friend’s presence was helpful in more ways than one. He and I get along well despite him being 75 years old. We can talk for hours, and we did, and his energy kept my energy high and more balanced than it would have been otherwise. Our conversations kept me from overly fixating on “what ifs” and on my worries that I would not see my twin on the trip. Plus, the states we traveled through were beautiful and provided a natural setting that helped disperse any negative energy.

Along the way signs were abundant. The numbers 11, 111 and 1111 were everywhere and seemed to confirm for the both of us that this trip was suppose to happen. The energy of the area where we would be staying was also validating. 10 miles from our destination in Tennessee my heart and third eye flared up with such intensity that I immediately recognized that the area had been prepared by our hostess. When we arrived she confirmed she had worked on the surrounding area, saying Light Language and blessing it so that the area was prime for the work she would do from there.

Almost immediately upon arriving at the house I would be staying at for the next nine days I was able to sense my twin with such intensity that I struggled to remain balanced. I spent the first few days grounding almost constantly and speaking Light Langauge in an attempt to find balance. I didn’t know it at the time, but being so close to him was causing us both to pick up more intensely on the other’s thoughts, feelings and energy. It was overwhelming and confusing for me. I had never felt so much love in my life and was not sure how to deal with it! Thankfully, I was in the presence of very high vibrating individuals and some who had prior experience with the twin connection. I don’t know if I would have been able to handle the twin connection at this time had my friends not been there to support me, give me advice and help me channel and balance the energies.

This article is copyrighted.  I would love you to share, but please credit the author Sakura Xia and provide a link to this blog.



2 thoughts on “Chapter 12: The Build-Up

    1. And much gratitude to you in return (bows). Thank you for further explaining the message from the Hierophant – “Within a moment you will be changed”. As my story unfolds you will see how this became oh too true for me. ❤


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